BEST OR WORST ANGLING JOKES

Home Forums Fishing Coarse And Match Fishing BEST OR WORST ANGLING JOKES

This topic contains 14 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  TF_jimbo25 2 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #58781

    TF_Johnfish1
    Member

    Walking around the lake the other day I noticed a guy into a string of fish thought I would go round and investigate.

    ‘Hi’ I said to the old boy ‘noticed you been catching a few! What you using as bait ?

    To which he replied ‘liquorice’

    So what have you caught?

    Allsorts he replied

  • #174736

    TF_Johnfish1
    Member

    Why is Torres (x Chelsea striker) like a 20lb carp ?

    They are both scared of the net…

  • #174751

    I once caught a fish and we didn’t know what it was. I got it home and was getting ready to fillet it for tea and my Dad said “what type of fish is it” I replied “I’m not to sure”. But as I gutted it a syringe fell out of its stomach, I shouted ” it’s a Haddock”. My Dad said ” how can ya tell” and I said ” look what’s just fell out of its stomach, ITS A DRUG HADDOCK”

    I thank you.

  • #174741

    well we have the worst ones…..

    somebody pull this thread !!!!

  • #174739

    TF_shep2
    Member

    two guys sat pole fishing a canal when a hurse crosses the bridge one guy ships his pole back stands up+takes his baseball cap off the other guy says nice one mate lovely gesture that pal to which he replied well i was married to the cow for 30years :rolleyes:

  • #174758

    Little lad sat with old boy on far bank , suddenly their dog bounds up the bank howling in pain . Grandad he’s got the meat ! No worries Billy it won’t hurt him . It f—ing will grandad it’s got me hook in it . πŸ˜€

  • #174779

    Lovely summers day and a chap says to his wife “come on lets go fishing”
    To which she says “I really don’t fancy fishing today”
    So he says “right I’m bloody sick of this I’m not coming along nonsense I’m gonna give you 3 choices now you can either come fishing, give me a quick blowjob or take it up the tradesmans!”
    He says “I’m going in the garage sorting my gear out you’d better have made your mind up in 10 mins”

    10 mins later he arrives back inside and says “well have you made your mind up?”
    She says “well I really don’t fancy fishing and I’m not having it up the tradesmans so come on drop your slacks I’ll give you a quick blowjob”
    So he drops his slacks and she dutifully gets down there and says
    “jeez your dick really stinks of poo”
    and he says “yes the dog didn’t want to go fishing either”

  • #174782

    Shocking ! But ime nearly crying with laughter . Love it . πŸ˜€

  • #174805

    TF_addo
    Participant

    Q) What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    A) A fshhhhhh

  • #174811

    A local match angler was very late for the draw and was caught speeding . The police asked if the fisherman knew how fast he was going.

    The angler replied no I was following the other driver s .

    So said the police man do you catch all the fish when fishing .
    And the angler looked to the fuzz and said no I catch the one that are unaware first.

    Then the police man says then you know how them fish feel ! :confused: πŸ˜‰

  • #174823

    TF_scrubba
    Member

    The 3 best things in life are….
    Fishing,
    Drinking,
    and talking about fishing in the pub.

    Tight lines. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  • #174824

    TF_jimbo25
    Member

    A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fish-and-chips business to raise money. One night a customer knocks on its door. A monk answers. The customer asks, β€œAre you the fish friar?”

    β€œNo,” he replies. β€œI’m the chip monk.”

  • #174825

    TF_jimbo25
    Member

    A fish swam into a wall and said, β€œDam!”

  • #174826

    TF_jimbo25
    Member

    Two parrots sitting on a perch…the first one says to the other β€œcan you smell fish?”

  • #174827

    TF_jimbo25
    Member

    Many years ago, a fisherman’s wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn’t think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, “Let’s not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us.” After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn’t matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. “Let’s call the boys Towards and Away,” suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away. The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, “Boys, it is time that you learned how to make a living from the sea.” They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman’s wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. “My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?” she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: “We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again.” “Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!” “Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away….”

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