Job availability in Liverpool…

[TF_geepsterParticipant]

A scouser walks from the pub into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and says: ‘Hi, I’m looking for a job’.

The man behind the counter replies: ‘Your timing is amazing. We’ve

just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for

his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You’ll have to drive around in a big

black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but

the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their

Overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year’.

The Scouser says: ‘You’re bullshitting me!’

The man behind the counter said: ‘Well you started it!’

[TF_BenrichoParticipant]

Sad 🙁

[TF_BenrichoParticipant]

Geeps

If your looking for a job the local farmer has a place looking after his chickens. £9.00 an hour

Ive told him about your experience handling cocks , you start Monday 😉 😉

[Anonymous]

Sad joke but not to fare from the truth.

[TF_scarf]

😀

[TF_dirkdiggler]

How delightfully un pc!

I’ll move it along a litttle.

Why did the Romans build straight roads?
So that Pakistanis couldnt build corner shops on them.

Anyone else?

[TF_bremesParticipant]

Just seen this in nottm evening post from gary birtles column… 😀

“IN training one day at Forest, Brian Clough announced we were having a practice match.

“It’ll be whites against blacks,” said the gaffer, before a lone voice piped up, from Viv Anderson.

​.”But I’m the only black lad here, gaffer,” he said.

“Well, it is going to be a long afternoon for you then,” was the instant reply, which had all of us in pieces.

[TF_scarf]

So I’m sat there watching Fatima Whitbread taking a shower and i’m thinking to myself –

don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection, please don’t get an erection …..

…. but unfortunately she did!

[TF_geepsterParticipant]

Is this one PC?

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They’re staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He’s so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: ‘My God begorrah, it’s only Jesus!’
Sure enough, it is the man himself Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he’s finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: ‘My God! The arthritis I’ve had for 30 years is gone. To be sure it’s a miracle!’
Jesus then shakes the Aussie’s hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man’s eyes widen in shock.
‘Strewth, the bad back I’ve had all my life is completely gone! It’s a screamin’ Miracle.’
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says: “Aye… calm down mate. Do anything to screw up me disability benefit and you’ll koofin know about it….”

[Author]

Posts